In the early months of 2016, I left my toxic-narcissistic ex-boyfriend after almost 1 year of being together. It took me a while to finally see his true colors (this story is for another time!). Anyway, after the break up, I glided through the months feeling so in need of a boyfriend. Every time I watched TV, there would be shows about weddings and love. I would always feel “Ohhhh I want that..” or “When am I gonna get married..“. It also doesn’t help when your friends are starting to get married…one by one. Every time I went out to any event, I would think “Maybe I’ll meet my special someone today“. Even when I got a job in November, I’d think the same thing. I would watch around for guys during lunch time, thinking he might be the one. Maybe him….or him… or him..
Then, I’d also fill my time with romance novels. I read book after book, feeling as if I was the heroin of the book. Until one point, I started to become sad about my own life. I’d go back home from work and just sulk in my room. Why couldn’t I find love? Why am I all alone while other people had their other halves. This went on for a while. I would feel sad (and pathetic) for myself. Some of my friends even had the impression that I was desperate to find love. This statement really hit me. It made me think, am I being desperate? Am I so obsessed about finding love? Am I so obsessed with finding my next love? The answer: Yes, yes and yes.
With that revelation, when 2017 was coming, I decided. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. No more sad songs, no more feeling pity to myself, no more having sexual fantasies about guys (oops, yeah I did a LOT of these). Nope, I didn’t want any of that anymore. So, I made myself a motto for 2017:
“This year will NOT be about boys”
I repeated this to myself many times. I wrote it in my journal. I believed in it. And being in March of 2017 now, I would say, I’m proud of myself. I no longer feel pity for myself. I no longer daydream about my wedding day, or about finding my prince charming. I no longer come back home feeling sad and sulk in my room. I even stopped reading any romance novels. Instead, I focused on myself. I’m focusing on my health (eating healthy..okay well at least I am trying to be healthy). I’m getting my dream wardrobe (shopping!). I’m even redecorating my old bedroom to be like those bedrooms in tumblr or minimalist bedrooms that look so chic. I focused on other things. I even adopted a little kitty recently and focused on getting him all fat and happy (he was skinny when I took him in a few weeks ago, but he’s improving now!). And truthfully, I feel so happy with myself now.
So ladies, if you find yourself being in my shoes, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop comparing yourself with your friends who have perfect instagram photos with their boyfriends. Focus on YOU. Do what makes you happy. Be the best version of you. I believe that when you are truly happy and positive, that’s when all the good things (and guy) will come.